1. Oregano. The hardest-working herb, oregano was plagued by the stress of overexertion coupled with the urge to always achieve more. It now takes beta-blockers and its productivity has tripled.
  2. Coriander. Understandably anxiety-ridden given everyone hates it, coriander has doubled down and gone on a five-day yoga retreat. We wish it luck.
  3. Herb Albert & The Tijuana Brass. The knowledge that they'd never be as famous or regarded as other jazz ensembles stunted their development as a group but they soon learned to embrace their B-status thanks to a wise, pep-talking manager.
  4. Bay leaf. Overcame its dysphoric anxiety and is now technically a spice.
  5. Dill. For years, dill would cry through sleepless nights at being a synonym for an idiot. Fortunately, it was assuaged by several rounds of therapy and also by the fact that no one uses "dill" to mean "idiot" anymore.